Best Two Lead-Off Songs on an Album

For a long time I thought the best two beginning songs on an album were "Whatever Happened to Pong?" and "Thalassocracy" off of Frank Black's Teenager of the Year. But recently, this assumption has been challenged by Turbonegro's "Librium Love" and "Armed and Fairly Well Equipped" off of special editions of Hot Cars and Spent Contraceptives. I mean, hell, both albums have awesome titles, but it's hard to argue with the latter. And plus, "Armed and Fairly Well Equipped" is like the greatest hardcore song ever. It's what Rites of Spring would've made had they had talent. And "Librium Love", once listened to, speaks for itself.

Two points of contact

FedEx recommends three. Ha!

Anyway.

1) If the dictators in the Middle East who are now "embattled" by protesters demanding "democracy" want to quell the uprisings, they need merely to pipe in live CSPAN. Once their subjects see what a horrific mess democracy actually is, they'll quiet down and be glad for what they have. I mean, hell, do these people actually want a John Boehner in their country? Or a Peter King?

2) Do you think the Nobel Peace Prize committee regrets giving their award to Barack Obama now that he's started a third war? My knowledge of US history is vast, but I'm drawing a blank on the last time we were engaged in three separate wars. Probably during the Reagan era we had at least a half-dozen "interventions" going on at any one time. But that's Reagan - Alzheimer in Chief - for you.

Rebirth, Rebranding, Retooling, Re-ing

Take your pick. I've decided to resurrect the site as primarily a literary review and copyright notice site. What a dynamic duo. But anyway.

I'd first like to thank the various automated bots that have decided my dying blog is worth posting comments about discount RX suppliers. I appreciate their commitment of 0.04 watts to my cause. Secondly, I'd like to thank the people who post to my blog advertising their blogs. Does it really matter?

OK. My first order of business is to be the first person searchable by Google to mention Fuqatois. Here is the definition of fuqatois I gave in an essay:

Fuqatois is an imaginary French [actually, Québec patois*] word which roughly corresponds to a non-existent English word three degrees above "motherfucker."** For example, "Those fuqatois stole my lunch money! Now I'm going to starve to death!" It's a silly example, but we're taking the speaker literally. He is actually going to starve to death here; It is not to be used lightly. The average man should use fuqatois once or twice in their life, unless they're quite unlucky. I write stories about unlucky men, so I use fuqatois more than most. That was why I invented it. There are no longer any words or phrases in the English language which, when used, cause people to stop and consider. If I call someone a fuqatois, I want them to seriously consider their actions. You call someone an asshole or flip them off these days, and they don't even notice half the time. I want them to spend an afternoon on it. So this word is used in situations where no English word can possibly express the intensity of emotion fuqatois encompasses.

* Yes, I'm actually being picky about what regional dialect my imaginary word comes from.

** jerk -> dick -> asshole -> coochmuffin -> cunt -> fucker -> motherfucker -> [] -> [] -> [fuqatois]. It's like the richter scale, really.***

*** Did you know that in a survey of Britons "cunt" was ranked the most vulgar word? Crazy. I call people cunts all the time. And I've got a variety of derivative terms too. "Cuntruffian" is my favorite.

The rest of the order of business can be taken care of later. I've got some books I'd like to talk about, some politics I'd like to disown (especially some ideas I now consider quite sanctimonious), and some other shit like that. Sneak peak:

Henry Adams' Mont-Saint-Michel and Chartres & also History of the United States During the Administrations of Thomas Jefferson & James Madison

John Gardner's Wreckage of Agathon, October Light, Grendel, Nickel Mountain

David Foster Wallace's career (with probable help from a disciple).

Will Durant's massive Story of Civilization

Nihilism
Fascism
Elitism
Socialism
Anarchism
Ikhnaton
Louis IX
Henry II
Henry VIII
Frederick II (Holy Roman Empire), but possibly Frederick II, King in Prussia

Well, that's enough. I probably won't get past all this at all.

Obama's Speech

I haven't written anything here since December, but I feel motivated to add something here. The reception of Obama's speech in the Arabic world has been one of muted optimism, which I think is important to note. Too many Americans think that the Arabic population is unalterably opposed to America as a concept, but the response to the speech shows otherwise. Many Muslims, including members of such "terrorist organizations" as Hamas and the Iranian government spoke highly of Obama's speech - qualifying it with requests for action to match the words - and seemed willing to work with him on the issues he raised. A number cited Hillary Clinton's wearing of a headscarf as an important concession to Islamic values, which, considering the legacy of Bill Clinton in the Arab world - where a man's actions often influence the prestige of the wife - is a considerable acknowledgment. The day before the speech a number of editors of important Arabic dailies and television networks were skeptical of the concept of Obama's speech, but today many seemed to approve of his speech and passed it on verbatim to their audiences. We need to stop supporting Israeli colonization of Palestinian land, and certainly we need to stop bombing Pakistan (in violation of numerous UN treaties), but if Obama is able to fulfill his promises (which include the quite heady requirement of getting Netanyahu to stop settlements and accept the concept of a Palestinian state) we may be facing a new day in the relation between Westerners and Arabs. Few remember that most Western technology rests, ultimately, on the great Islamic Golden Age and that Islam is not such a barbaric religion as many in the West assume it to be. As a case in point, the Byzantines initially regarded Islam as a Christian heresy, so similar was it to Christianity. I didn't vote for Obama (Nader), and I have disagreed with many of his decisions but I have to give him credit for his speech yesterday. It is, as many have been saying, something unprecedented for an American president. Combine this with the overtures to Cuba, and the United States might finally be entering an era where it attempts to treat other people as human beings - a rarity since World War II.

Worthless post

This is my first post in what, six months? And all I'm here to say is that this music video (and the associated episode, and yes, even the show) are amazing. I hate (as the cultural-xenophobe that I am) to admit I rabidly enjoy a show on CBS prime time television that gets 10+ million viewers a week, but I do. It's actually funny. I wouldn't go so far as to call it the second funniest show (first here), but it's still pretty great.

I apologize to all.

If it makes you feel better, I've been reading Infinite Jest, and I had to leave it at home to avoid distracting myself during finals. I, notably, felt OK bringing my Xbox 360 up. Most people think I'm borderline insane. But, regardless, it's a great novel. Everyone and their mother is reading it now because M. Wallace committed suicide, but don't let the library's "checked out - due 01.22.09" dissuade you. It's like $13 on Amazon, and worth at least triple the pennies.

More Western Media Bias

I haven't written anything here in nearly eight months, and that's because I've felt that I don't really have anything to add. Most of the stories that have raised my ire in the past eight months have basically been re-imaginings of things I've written about here. But the Western media's coverage of the 2008 South Ossetian War (as WP has decided to call it) has annoyed me enough to make me do this. I've got to leave for work in about 10 minutes, but I'll quickly put down some thoughts.

First, the media seems to forget that the Georgians started this war. What's even more amazing is that no one disputes it. Every article I've read includes a paragraph that basically states that Georgia invaded South Ossetia and the Russians came in and drove them back out, going into Georgia in the process. Simple enough, but the very next paragraph goes on to talk about "Russia's attack." Here is a perfect example:

"The long-simmering dispute over those breakaway areas turned to war this month after Georgia launched a massive barrage to try to take control of South Ossetia. The Russian army quickly overwhelmed the Georgian forces and drove deep into its neighbor.

Russia's attack has caused serious strains in relations with the West and heightened fears in the young democracies of Eastern Europe."(from here)

The article is typical. Saakshvili blamed the overrunning of the Georgian countryside on the Russians and a timid West, while no one felt it necessary to point out that he himself had started the war.

Casualty numbers have been lumped together, and no mention of various alleged Georgian atrocities is to be found anywhere in the mainstream media, though numerous reports of Russian barbarism are to be found. A recent article in the local paper talked about how 2000 people had been killed, framing the sentence in a way as to lay the blame for the brunt of the casualties at the feet of the Russians. In fact, about 1600 of those (at the time of the article) were South Ossetians, where the capital completely ruined and Human Rights Watch reports that invading Georgian army units committed a number of atrocities, including some good old-fashioned burning of villages, 15th-century style.

I could go on, but I must leave very soon. So I just want to point out one more thing real quick-like. The US and Poland have signed a deal whereby the US is planning on putting ICBM shootdown equipment on Polish soil, and the Russians have said that in the event of a nuclear war, they'll be launching nukes at Poland too. The media has entirely taken this out of context, framing it as if the Russians are declaring they'll be attacking immediately, not as a result of wider hostilities.

Ok, I didn't quite finish it before I had to leave. So I'll wrap it up before I go to bed. In all this, I'm not defending Putin and his puppet Medvedev - they have their own issues to answer for, not least of which was the former's war with a breakaway republic, Chechnya. My point is that the media is here enforcing another ugly double standard, which they seem to do so well. When Kosovo tried to breakaway from Serbia, we bombed the Serbs and smashed their infrastructure, with the media fan-boyishly awed over the spectacular military fireworks. When the Israelis crush Palestinian attempts at autonomy and invade Lebanon, the media throws their full support behind the invaders (see my ol' piece here for more on that). And of course when the United States launches the most massive and destructive military operation in the world since Vietnam, the media rides along, "embedded" with the military and cheering them on every minute. The Russians certainly took advantage of the situation and pushed the limits of what could be considered a "counter-attack." But let's not forget the Georgians initiated this whole ordeal (why they thought they could take on the Russian military remains still a mystery), and have committed the majority of atrocities in this conflict. The media would do well to report that.

Post note: There was a great article in the Courant (they do their job better than most, I give them credit for that) about the Arab public's reaction to Bush's anti-Russian rhetoric. Mainly, it's "Hey George, remember that little invasion you undertook here? Yeah, I'd keep your mouth shut if I were you."

Also, Colin McEnroe offhandedly mentioned Mogwai, which, though couched in dismissive language, is still something I found pleasantly surprising. He doesn't seem to quite understand the beauty of Kicking a Dead Pig.

Good News!

First, I know I haven't written anything in nearly four months, and the reason for that is simple: I have nothing to write. There are only so many things to be said about politicians and indie rock bands. Sure, there have been a few times in the past four months I've wanted to say something about one of those things (like the predictable but still sad dropping out of Dennis Kucinich, the only human being in the primaries), but not enough to put words on (metaphorical) paper. But today, ah, today there is good news:

http://www.buttercupfestival.com/index.htm

It is hands down the greatest webcomic ever created, and it hath returnèd.